Barbara McDowell

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Yesterday, I was rear-ended while waiting to turn left at a green light.  I found it fascinating when the adjuster asked me today what the nimrod who hit me was doing behind me.  Um, I was looking forward vs. studying traffic via my rearview mirror (though I’m sure I’ll be doing that from now on).  Can’t even tell you where he came from or why he had an issue seeing me sitting there with my left flicker on.  This got me to thinking about some past people I have viewed doing questionable things while behind the wheel.   

1. Cry – I get thinking that the confines of a car is a relatively private place.  Unless running carpool shuffling little tykes or being kind riding others, no one will hear you.  And you can pretty much count on other drivers to be absorbed in their own little universes that they don’t see you.  But is being a blurry-eyed, snotty monster really a safe prospect going 35+ mph?
2. Sex Acts – I’ve seen two drivers engaged in instances of an oral kind while their vehicles were moving.  Can you pull over?  I wanted to arrest them myself after dodging the repeated swerves into my lane.  The day I see someone sitting in a driver’s lap, I’m beaming myself up to the Enterprise.
3. Applying Mascara –  I saw a lady doing this one morning.  Come on, really?  Stab your eye much?
4. Sleep – Ever look over at someone at a light and see them rocked back on the headrest for a power nap?  Yeah, not the most comforting feeling that they need some sleepy time.
5. Online Activity – Are you really so important that your reponse to xyz messages is urgent?  Uniess you are the President or another country leader, then un-uh nada on whoever you think you are.  I hear that police are catching a good number of people doing this.  What jerks.  Those drivers should be tasered.
6. Auditioning for a Nascar Racing Position – Agressive drivers are selfish individuals.  Yeah I said it.  See my question above regarding are you really that important.  Take your unprocessed anger and emotional issues and get off the road.
7. The Highway Crawl – I get why you’re scared.  Seeing the demons that posess some of your neighbors when they get behind the wheel can give you pause.  But when you slow down to a crawl–I’m talking significantly under the speed limit–you’ll just rev the agressors up more.  Hell, that one even tweaks me.  Having to break hard coming up on someone driving 40 in a 60 zone, with no traffic in front of them, is dangerous.  If you are really scared, just don’t do it.  Map out an alternative route and go crawl over there.