Last week, I noted that the auditions of were a bit of a let down.  Sadly, I have to say ditto for the first two sessions of Hollywood week.  The first night is a whirlwind of auditioners flashing by with name captions that ends with a pathetic hook.  Day two is watching the wanderings of some contestants who should get bopped on the head for coming to Hollywood without a simple strategic plan.  With the scattershot approach of both shows, it was hard to document a concrete list of additional “ones I’ll watch” or know if all the contestants I wanted to follow have made it as part of victims lucky ones making it to the group rounds. 

Source: Fox photo by Michael Becker

After watching both shows this week, I got mighty ranty.  I mean like off-the-chain, tweeted my madness ranty.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to do something all crazy like refuse to watch anymore (hello, addict here).  I will say that Idol sometimes can be so cruel.

My thoughts:

• Ryan tells us to get ready for “the one, the only…Hollywood week.”  Cue the theme music.  309 made to Hollywood.  That’s a lot of people.  Like bodies everywhere.
• Okay, I’m not a J-Lo fan, but I’ve tried to leave her alone through the auditions rounds.  Now I’ve got to ask: Why must she come out in micro-mini ensembles that have to a) be cold in a drafty theater space and b) can’t be comfortable sitting all day at a table?
• Johnny Keyser (the cutie I flagged here) is coming off as cocky.  He says he isn’t nervous at all.  He’s doing cocky turns of the mic and giving googly eyes.  Now I loved his first audition so I’m concerned because I don’t want him to become that guy.
• Heejun Han – He of the Michael Bolton songs needs to build up his confidence and stage presence.  Nice voice, but I really don’t see him as a dynamic winner of the whole shebang.
• Elise Testone – Good job.  I like her voice and want to see what she’ll do in the group rounds.  I hope they give her more camera time.
• Travis Orlando – Hi sweetie!  He went home last year after the first round of Hollywood week so I know Idol wouldn’t be so cruel as to break my heart again.  Travis has much better confidence this year.  Yet he’s still singing Stevie Wonder songs, which I’d like him to expand from—WHAT?  What is that you said, Jennifer?  “I’m sorry baby.”  I’m sorry baby, what?  Sorry for what, Jennifer?!  No.  No.  No.  No.  My Travis is cut again after round one of Hollywood.  I’d said I wouldn’t fall for this again.  That I wouldn’t trust you, oh cruel Idol that gives and takes away.  😦
• Why are the tears of Jane Carrey wasting space on my screen?  Her pain can’t be anything like my Travis is feeling.  You kept Phillip Philips and Reed Grimm (singing the golden ticket song from Willy Wonka) over my Travis?  Nuts.  Nuts I say!
• Shannon Magrane – They keep fawning over her.  Tonight I am meh.  Give me back my Travis.
• Okay, I can do without J-Lo attempting to sing some lines under her breath at the judges’ table.  She did this throughout the auditions and I was nice and ignored her.  Stop it.  Now.
• Erika Van Pelt – Our wedding singer/mobile DJ does good and has a power voice, but needs a stylist a.s.a.p.
• I must say that Idol reached a new low with the pimping of Symone Black’s passing out and falling off the stage as the cliffhanger Wednesday night (and in tons of commercials).  Even worse are the conspiracy theorists now screaming that it was staged. The girl’s legs started wobbling and she went down.  It looked legit to me.  From the shots they’ve shown, it looks like a lot of others will be taking tumbles next week from stress, nerves, dehydration, etc.
• For the groups round, the contestants must break into groups of four or five and have a mix of day one and day two people.  Then they can choose from a list of 20 songs and put together a “perfect” number overnight.  I don’t know why the groups from each day bonded together and already formed groups because the rule on mixing days is the same as it was last season.  Do you guys not watch each season and plan out your strategy?  Which brings me to…
• Hello, contestants, the show is on Season 11.  Show up with some strategy.  Now don’t let us see you all cut-throat and brutal or being a phony sweetheart because that will cost you votes on the backend, but show up with some rational expectations and plans.
  • If you are unable to immediately get into a group and start feeling desperate to fit in, network to make friends and connections.  Don’t run around the theater squealing about you don’t like a group’s song.  You need in?  You go with what the group is offering.
  • Exhibit one: Cop Alisha bullying everyone she recruited to sing Joy to the World.  She then lost them and ended up joining a group singing something else.  Precious time wasted.  And why was she telling everyone about being a cop and asking them if they liked cops?  What your job is has nothing to do with singing.
  • If you get sick, do not isolate and give up.  Amy Brumfeld (backstory of living in the woods) was really sick with a possible fever and almost lost out on joining a group because of hiding backstage.  Mingle and act like nothing is wrong with you.  Yes, you run the risk of infecting everyone.  That sucks rocks…for them.  You are there to sing and win.  Symone came back from the hospital, was sweet as she walked around and easily popped into a group.
• Heejun Han – Please keep him around if just for his hilarious commentary.  Watching his facial expressions and hearing his narration of the torture in his group at the hands of a merciless, cowboy taskmaster saved the Thursday episode.

What were your thoughts on the Symone fall? 

Is there anyone you liked that was lost in the early Hollywood rounds?

Are you hankering for next week’s group performance bloodbath?